Twist of fate!!

Wat a twist of fate...

How did it even get started? Beats me.

Was it coz of the crying? Reason was obvious. And why did the other person have to tell me. If she didnt, I wouldnt have empathise in the first place and get involved. When you start feeling how a person is feeling, you will want to know what they are thinking. Slowly, it became a habit.

The next worse thing is that when she stopped what she is feeling, I wasn't informed. And I continue walking towards the wall, blindfolded. Next thing I know, I smashed straight into the wall. Damn pain la...

Of coz, given a stubborn character like mine, even if it was just 5% chance to climb through the wall(as stated by the wall-builder), I would still have tried to bang down the wall no matter what. I refused to admit its because of my desire to win in everything. I dont like and wont lose. But it seems that the builder doesnt care. You can empathise with her, doesnt mean she will to you. I never know why would people be so. As in, I always believed that if you hurt people, then you allowed others to hurt you. If you care for someone, they will care for you too. But this physics totally didnt work in this case.

I know it doesnt work on one type of people in this world. And I told myself since like 7 years ago that I will never feel for THIS type of people and vowed to keep clear from them. What happened this time? Was it coz of that tear?

Ok so many a times I try to stop. How come I didnt in the end? Was it my nature to give in at the slightest care? When to others, this care is even insignificant to them. What does the builder want from me? Is it because I am like a clown, that is why people just used me for temporary entertainments? To kill boredom before they meet what they really want and leave me all behind?

Was there even a tinge of truth? Can they just tell it straight to me again? This time I really will believe. They say a hopeless man is a dead man. But I rather not pin on anymore false hopes. Just tell me the truth will ya?

To think I spent 2 days going town to do something stupid. First day, I even gave an excuse to myself. Ahhh I went to buy books. Ok, I convinced myself. Second day I went again. I came back empty handed yet again. But the best part was, I know whatever I had done wouldnt be appreciated. Why? Coz I tested it out. Coz what I planned to do wasnt even expected. Not only that, it was what the builder felt:"it was uncalled for". The bombs arent gonna blow down the wall and let you climb over it. In fact, the builder built another higher, thicker wall.

But after so long. I really dont know what I am feeling. I am just chasing something that I am unconfident of getting? Or is it something that I need? Why wouldnt the builder tell me something to enlighten me? Just what is it that the builder want? Maybe the builder just want to see through the entertainment of a clown, trying to climb over the wall.

I made so many wrong steps along the way. I dont know if I will ever climb over it manz. Should I just tone down my stubborn character and learn to let go of it day by day? Is the builder just trying to test my determination or is the builder trying to force me to let go too? Can anyone or anything please show me a path? I dont wish to move on the grey path anymore. I want a black and white answer.

Can those involved please tell me something? Can you not act ignorance and just hope everything clears off by itself, where here I am struggling to understand the situation? Maybe you all are so involved in yourself that you forget bout the others. But for once can you just care? Just look into your conscience and care for once? Can you not be oblivious to your surroundings? Can you stop asking what others can do for you, but you for the others?

Can everyone just open their hearts and be truthful? Can you not lie when you said:"I am serious, I am not lying". I want 110% truth. Not 99% truth and 1% unconvinced by your own words. Can you get your own emotions right? Just clear everything up will ya?