Our anger, hate, unhappiness(and other negative emotions) are like liquids of different types.
Our mind is like a empty vessel at first.
Through our lives, different liquids are poured into this vessel. Some can evaporate, like water(small things that make you angry or sad). Some cant, like oil(really bad memories that cannot be removed). What is important, is that all these liquid, if not given the right amount of time, cannot be removed(maybe someone will clear your vessel and lighten your mood?) and will overflow and make a mess of the place(when it all releases, everyone is affected).
How I wish someone will come and help me remove the liquid in my vessel. I got a huge vessel, but it still got filled up. Emptying it is not gonna be easy. Alone, I am not sure if I can do it.
Dont say cold stuff and freeze a person's vessel. If not the liquids will remain there forever.
Be warm to each other and slowly we can remove all our unhappiness.
And...
Thats the water-mood theory...
Til I think of more...or recall what I thought of just now...
Monday, July 6, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Every other time, it will be harder...
Everytime you hurt someone and you promise them something, it gets harder for them to be convinced the next time you hurt them...
And everytime we dont repair this damaged trust, it will build on itself more and become a deeper cut. Like a loan shark interest rate that we can never repay.
Soon, the trust will dwindle til there is no more left or even go into the negative side...
All will be lost...
And everytime we dont repair this damaged trust, it will build on itself more and become a deeper cut. Like a loan shark interest rate that we can never repay.
Soon, the trust will dwindle til there is no more left or even go into the negative side...
All will be lost...
Monday, June 15, 2009
Why do I always have to keep a smile in the rain??
Why do I always naturally say something that I feel hurt about but would make others happy and live on with that lie? Why do I like to make myself so unhappy? Whats wrong with my brain? Am I a sadist? Why am I torturing myself?
Yao xing you shld really learn how to be a happier person.
Yao xing you shld really learn how to be a happier person.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Weird dream
The cause: Maybe it was an overdose of L4D. Maybe thinking bout fright night too much. But watever it was, even I myself in the dream exclaimed it to be a good plot.
Story:
Here is how it goes. Cant really remember much. Bits and pieces. The sky was in a brown and orange colour. Seems like its near evening time. Maybe around 5 or 6pm? Where everyone was about to knock off.
At first, I was in the building trying to gamble. Coz I found a glitch in one of its machine and after some statistics calculation, I manage to find that no matter how you play, overall you will win. So every hour I will go and bet and in the end of it all, I will have a profit(Probably due to the influence of evony).
Anyway, this place has a very weird system. Whenever you are on the 5th floor and you want to take a lift down, you have to take the lift to the 8th floor before you walk out and take another lift down. So as usual, I went to bet and walk around. Then I wanted to go back home. So I took the lift. But I remember the 8th floor is always streaming with so many people. That you have to literally squeeze through the crowd to get past. So I decided to go further up the building, hoping there are less people. At that moment there was another lady with me. She was in her 30s or 40s. The lift that we went into are those kind of old kind, but able to see what was on the level that we went through.
So just before I reached level 8, I pressed level 9(And it allows u to change the level even before the lift stops). So it went to level 9. As I was looking out of the glass of the lift, i realise something weird bout level 9(before the door open). The whole corridor was dimmed and there were short kids-like man walking around the place. Normally if you see one kid with a matured adult face, maybe you will not be surprised. But there was like so many of them. Immediately, I felt an eerie prescence. So I frantically pressed up to another floor. And again at the other level, I saw something weird. Its like another different kind of beings walking along the corridor. But I couldnt remember what it was.
Strangely, I think I ended up on the 10th floor or maybe it was 11th. Cant really remember the details(The thing bout dreams is that they are never really accurately logical). So at that point of time, suddenly me and that woman is in a car and the woman is the driver. Level 10 is a carpark. So I told them woman:"Hey we better get to the bottom of the building before someone notice that we are not supposed to know these things(these things referred to the weird human beings)." So she drove, but she only went down a few levels and she stopped at this big opening.
In front of the opening, there is KFC or mcds if I did not remember wrongly. The place is an open place. At one side, you can see the orange sky. The rest of the 3 sides are part of the building. Then outside the KFC are seats where you can seat on, while watching a movie screen that is hung outside KFC. Quite a big screen. Then as I was watching(dont know why I was watching the movie suddenly with that woman, though I rmb telling her to quickly get out of the place, but she stopped there $^#&^#&%), Jian Wei called me. Then I looked up. And saw Jian Wei looking through one of the windows of the offices or apartments. I can vividly remember the whole place. Too bad I couldnt paint well, if not I would have painted and post the picture here.
Anyway the dream ended there. Hope I will dream bout it when I get back to sleep later on. Woke up to evony before I go sleep. Muahahaha.
Story:
Here is how it goes. Cant really remember much. Bits and pieces. The sky was in a brown and orange colour. Seems like its near evening time. Maybe around 5 or 6pm? Where everyone was about to knock off.
At first, I was in the building trying to gamble. Coz I found a glitch in one of its machine and after some statistics calculation, I manage to find that no matter how you play, overall you will win. So every hour I will go and bet and in the end of it all, I will have a profit(Probably due to the influence of evony).
Anyway, this place has a very weird system. Whenever you are on the 5th floor and you want to take a lift down, you have to take the lift to the 8th floor before you walk out and take another lift down. So as usual, I went to bet and walk around. Then I wanted to go back home. So I took the lift. But I remember the 8th floor is always streaming with so many people. That you have to literally squeeze through the crowd to get past. So I decided to go further up the building, hoping there are less people. At that moment there was another lady with me. She was in her 30s or 40s. The lift that we went into are those kind of old kind, but able to see what was on the level that we went through.
So just before I reached level 8, I pressed level 9(And it allows u to change the level even before the lift stops). So it went to level 9. As I was looking out of the glass of the lift, i realise something weird bout level 9(before the door open). The whole corridor was dimmed and there were short kids-like man walking around the place. Normally if you see one kid with a matured adult face, maybe you will not be surprised. But there was like so many of them. Immediately, I felt an eerie prescence. So I frantically pressed up to another floor. And again at the other level, I saw something weird. Its like another different kind of beings walking along the corridor. But I couldnt remember what it was.
Strangely, I think I ended up on the 10th floor or maybe it was 11th. Cant really remember the details(The thing bout dreams is that they are never really accurately logical). So at that point of time, suddenly me and that woman is in a car and the woman is the driver. Level 10 is a carpark. So I told them woman:"Hey we better get to the bottom of the building before someone notice that we are not supposed to know these things(these things referred to the weird human beings)." So she drove, but she only went down a few levels and she stopped at this big opening.
In front of the opening, there is KFC or mcds if I did not remember wrongly. The place is an open place. At one side, you can see the orange sky. The rest of the 3 sides are part of the building. Then outside the KFC are seats where you can seat on, while watching a movie screen that is hung outside KFC. Quite a big screen. Then as I was watching(dont know why I was watching the movie suddenly with that woman, though I rmb telling her to quickly get out of the place, but she stopped there $^#&^#&%), Jian Wei called me. Then I looked up. And saw Jian Wei looking through one of the windows of the offices or apartments. I can vividly remember the whole place. Too bad I couldnt paint well, if not I would have painted and post the picture here.
Anyway the dream ended there. Hope I will dream bout it when I get back to sleep later on. Woke up to evony before I go sleep. Muahahaha.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The little boy
The little boy is on his way again, hopping around, doing stupid things, let others laugh its ok, jumping, flyin, kick off his burden, taking problems in stride, opening up others mind, twirling, swirling, running, dancing, singing to himself.
He wants others to be happy. He believes in one for all, all for one. He believes this world can be a better place.
He always says the opposite. Coz he just want someone to say:"No, I dont think it is true". He wants to hear someone say so, so that he knows that he had met someone with a common aim. But he has been searching. And no one. No one ever dare said that.
But again, on his search. He goes on. Hopping around, doing stupid things, let others laugh its ok, jumping, flyin, kick off his burden, taking problems in stride, opening up others mind, twirling, swirling, running, dancing, singing to himself.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Twist of fate!!
Wat a twist of fate...
How did it even get started? Beats me.
Was it coz of the crying? Reason was obvious. And why did the other person have to tell me. If she didnt, I wouldnt have empathise in the first place and get involved. When you start feeling how a person is feeling, you will want to know what they are thinking. Slowly, it became a habit.
The next worse thing is that when she stopped what she is feeling, I wasn't informed. And I continue walking towards the wall, blindfolded. Next thing I know, I smashed straight into the wall. Damn pain la...
Of coz, given a stubborn character like mine, even if it was just 5% chance to climb through the wall(as stated by the wall-builder), I would still have tried to bang down the wall no matter what. I refused to admit its because of my desire to win in everything. I dont like and wont lose. But it seems that the builder doesnt care. You can empathise with her, doesnt mean she will to you. I never know why would people be so. As in, I always believed that if you hurt people, then you allowed others to hurt you. If you care for someone, they will care for you too. But this physics totally didnt work in this case.
I know it doesnt work on one type of people in this world. And I told myself since like 7 years ago that I will never feel for THIS type of people and vowed to keep clear from them. What happened this time? Was it coz of that tear?
Ok so many a times I try to stop. How come I didnt in the end? Was it my nature to give in at the slightest care? When to others, this care is even insignificant to them. What does the builder want from me? Is it because I am like a clown, that is why people just used me for temporary entertainments? To kill boredom before they meet what they really want and leave me all behind?
Was there even a tinge of truth? Can they just tell it straight to me again? This time I really will believe. They say a hopeless man is a dead man. But I rather not pin on anymore false hopes. Just tell me the truth will ya?
To think I spent 2 days going town to do something stupid. First day, I even gave an excuse to myself. Ahhh I went to buy books. Ok, I convinced myself. Second day I went again. I came back empty handed yet again. But the best part was, I know whatever I had done wouldnt be appreciated. Why? Coz I tested it out. Coz what I planned to do wasnt even expected. Not only that, it was what the builder felt:"it was uncalled for". The bombs arent gonna blow down the wall and let you climb over it. In fact, the builder built another higher, thicker wall.
But after so long. I really dont know what I am feeling. I am just chasing something that I am unconfident of getting? Or is it something that I need? Why wouldnt the builder tell me something to enlighten me? Just what is it that the builder want? Maybe the builder just want to see through the entertainment of a clown, trying to climb over the wall.
I made so many wrong steps along the way. I dont know if I will ever climb over it manz. Should I just tone down my stubborn character and learn to let go of it day by day? Is the builder just trying to test my determination or is the builder trying to force me to let go too? Can anyone or anything please show me a path? I dont wish to move on the grey path anymore. I want a black and white answer.
Can those involved please tell me something? Can you not act ignorance and just hope everything clears off by itself, where here I am struggling to understand the situation? Maybe you all are so involved in yourself that you forget bout the others. But for once can you just care? Just look into your conscience and care for once? Can you not be oblivious to your surroundings? Can you stop asking what others can do for you, but you for the others?
Can everyone just open their hearts and be truthful? Can you not lie when you said:"I am serious, I am not lying". I want 110% truth. Not 99% truth and 1% unconvinced by your own words. Can you get your own emotions right? Just clear everything up will ya?
How did it even get started? Beats me.
Was it coz of the crying? Reason was obvious. And why did the other person have to tell me. If she didnt, I wouldnt have empathise in the first place and get involved. When you start feeling how a person is feeling, you will want to know what they are thinking. Slowly, it became a habit.
The next worse thing is that when she stopped what she is feeling, I wasn't informed. And I continue walking towards the wall, blindfolded. Next thing I know, I smashed straight into the wall. Damn pain la...
Of coz, given a stubborn character like mine, even if it was just 5% chance to climb through the wall(as stated by the wall-builder), I would still have tried to bang down the wall no matter what. I refused to admit its because of my desire to win in everything. I dont like and wont lose. But it seems that the builder doesnt care. You can empathise with her, doesnt mean she will to you. I never know why would people be so. As in, I always believed that if you hurt people, then you allowed others to hurt you. If you care for someone, they will care for you too. But this physics totally didnt work in this case.
I know it doesnt work on one type of people in this world. And I told myself since like 7 years ago that I will never feel for THIS type of people and vowed to keep clear from them. What happened this time? Was it coz of that tear?
Ok so many a times I try to stop. How come I didnt in the end? Was it my nature to give in at the slightest care? When to others, this care is even insignificant to them. What does the builder want from me? Is it because I am like a clown, that is why people just used me for temporary entertainments? To kill boredom before they meet what they really want and leave me all behind?
Was there even a tinge of truth? Can they just tell it straight to me again? This time I really will believe. They say a hopeless man is a dead man. But I rather not pin on anymore false hopes. Just tell me the truth will ya?
To think I spent 2 days going town to do something stupid. First day, I even gave an excuse to myself. Ahhh I went to buy books. Ok, I convinced myself. Second day I went again. I came back empty handed yet again. But the best part was, I know whatever I had done wouldnt be appreciated. Why? Coz I tested it out. Coz what I planned to do wasnt even expected. Not only that, it was what the builder felt:"it was uncalled for". The bombs arent gonna blow down the wall and let you climb over it. In fact, the builder built another higher, thicker wall.
But after so long. I really dont know what I am feeling. I am just chasing something that I am unconfident of getting? Or is it something that I need? Why wouldnt the builder tell me something to enlighten me? Just what is it that the builder want? Maybe the builder just want to see through the entertainment of a clown, trying to climb over the wall.
I made so many wrong steps along the way. I dont know if I will ever climb over it manz. Should I just tone down my stubborn character and learn to let go of it day by day? Is the builder just trying to test my determination or is the builder trying to force me to let go too? Can anyone or anything please show me a path? I dont wish to move on the grey path anymore. I want a black and white answer.
Can those involved please tell me something? Can you not act ignorance and just hope everything clears off by itself, where here I am struggling to understand the situation? Maybe you all are so involved in yourself that you forget bout the others. But for once can you just care? Just look into your conscience and care for once? Can you not be oblivious to your surroundings? Can you stop asking what others can do for you, but you for the others?
Can everyone just open their hearts and be truthful? Can you not lie when you said:"I am serious, I am not lying". I want 110% truth. Not 99% truth and 1% unconvinced by your own words. Can you get your own emotions right? Just clear everything up will ya?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Is it more painful to try and fail or is it more painful to not try and not know what will happen if you do?
Supposing one day you find yourself on an island. This island is not that bad. You get your own life. There is food, there is shelter. The only problem is that you are all alone on this island(except that you still have internet connection where you can msn with your friends or do whatever you want with the internet connections =.=). There are no ways of transport out to the outside world. The only way to leave this place is from the top of the highest mountain on that island.
The special thing bout leaving this island is that, you have to jump off that mountain. But of coz, like in life, there is no 100% guarantee that you will survive and leave the island safely after jumping off. In fact, there is only a 5% chance. But what is guaranteed behind this 5% chance is that you will definitely have a better life, twice, or even thrice the happiness that you might be looking for. Will you risk your life for the 5% chance and die or get crippled in the end? Or would you stay on the island, not knowing what your life would be if you had taken the 5% chance?
Please tell me your opinions...
The special thing bout leaving this island is that, you have to jump off that mountain. But of coz, like in life, there is no 100% guarantee that you will survive and leave the island safely after jumping off. In fact, there is only a 5% chance. But what is guaranteed behind this 5% chance is that you will definitely have a better life, twice, or even thrice the happiness that you might be looking for. Will you risk your life for the 5% chance and die or get crippled in the end? Or would you stay on the island, not knowing what your life would be if you had taken the 5% chance?
Please tell me your opinions...
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Seriously, where is this heading to?
I feel misunderstood.
Are you standing behind the fence looking at me too?
Does anyone really understand me?
Why do you not walk closer and ask me?
By looking through the trapped fence, can anyone really tell anything about me?
Its not that I resent the judgement.
Just that your judgement disappoints me.
Am I really that pathetic?
Do I look really look "bad" from such a far view?
Should I try to convince you?
Or should I just continue my walk alone.
How many times do I have to say that I am really misunderstood?
Is it coz no one believe me?
Or is it coz no one cares if I am or not?
I think I just trapped myself.
Maybe I should just stop pinning on hopes that I could ever escape that barrier, that trap.
Yeah just two more days and fate would choose a path for me.
Anyway...
1) Its not that I dont care bout my *****
Its just that I believe in being natural. Its not that I dont care bout my *****. Its just that I am dont believe in doing it for no reasons.
Thats why I said I hate doing things for a reason. Rmb? It makes me stop doing so much things I shld have done. And when I wanna start doing things without a reason, someone stopped me.
Peace at last.
Thats what stopped me.
2) Its not that I am not...*********
Its just that I dont have the reason to be *********. I wasnt even given a chance to be.
And how are you going to know if you never try before?
I seriously think there is some poor judgement over here.
3) Lastly, like I always said. Whatever I can joke with is not true.
I might look ********, but I am not.
I look like what I am coz I dont even wanna be close to being the opposite.
So you rather I am feeling down and out the whole day long?
Seriously...
Where is this heading to?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Sick of it!!
Why did I stop caring for something and end up caring for something else?
Cant all these just stop?
I am so so so so so so so so tired of these.
When they do, I dont. When I try, they dont. When they dont, I stop. When I stop, the others do. Shiatttttttttt............
Why do I always have to hate it to forget it?
Why do they have to repeat themselves again?
Do you ever went into someone's house and say hi, but leave without saying bye?
I so hate it when people leave without saying bye.
Do they all not realise they are being very annoying doing that?
Do they even care for the other people?
Lets take it that they needed time.
Lets assume 2 weeks.
That is like few more days long.
Thats my last straw I swear!
This time I am sure I am going vacio...
Cant all these just stop?
I am so so so so so so so so tired of these.
When they do, I dont. When I try, they dont. When they dont, I stop. When I stop, the others do. Shiatttttttttt............
Why do I always have to hate it to forget it?
Why do they have to repeat themselves again?
Do you ever went into someone's house and say hi, but leave without saying bye?
I so hate it when people leave without saying bye.
Do they all not realise they are being very annoying doing that?
Do they even care for the other people?
Lets take it that they needed time.
Lets assume 2 weeks.
That is like few more days long.
Thats my last straw I swear!
This time I am sure I am going vacio...
Thursday, February 5, 2009
This is what I call balance of life...the good and the bad comes hand in hand...
This week is pretty screwed with monday starting up with a screwed up lab quiz. To think I screwed up my first quiz. Yet again! Urgh...Its only like wednesday midnight and so many things happened this wk. I feel so weird with a bit of mixed confused feelings and yet so relieved. I think I misunderstood a few things now and then. Good thing I was informed of my misunderstanding that I woke up from it straight. Whatever it is, I believe it is over and I can thus concentrate on my work!!! Thanks for tellin me onli til now u arse lol jkjk.
CNY is over soon and vday is coming soon. And I wish to tell a few people somethings. Yet I can express it out explicitly. Dont misunderstand again. This has nothing to do with me and my dates during vday. Just a few short reflections of the week:
To the people who think the world revolves around you: Seriously I think you are misunderstood bout me, but im not the same as you. I dun really feel at all that the world revolves around me. If I did make you feel so, I am so sorry. That was never part of my plan at all. Shld really get to understand me better and not deduce before you think you are right. I am crappy 95% of the time I know but it doesnt mean I am egoistic. What you see is really not what it is. View life with more depth. No hard feelings =)
To the people who are envying what others have and you do not have: Please dont be envious of others and try to make the others who are living a better life than you, have a bad day. If you think makin others sad to get ur own relative happiness, is happiness, I think you are very wrong. Firstly, if you cant be happier than the other guy, the problem probably lies with you. No point tryin to make things worse by makin the guy next to you feeling worse or sad. Its a new year. Please be nicer. Karma will come to you if you do shit =P
To the people who are still pondering and lost: I really can empathise with your situation. Hope you can take things easy with you and look on the brighter side of life. Friends are always there for you!! You know that ;)
To the people who are screwed up by work and so: Lets get it over and done with!! Hope as much as you are stressed by your work, we can still provide each other with a shoulder of warmth. Be it good friends or not, never deny a tired soul knockin on your door =)
To the ones that spurred me by being negative on me lol: Anyway got a few hard knocks here and there over the week. But in fact, that knocked me into a clearer mind. Giving me more aim and letting me know what I dont want( since sometimes its hard to gauge what you want). But im just like a ball with super elastic and thick skin. The more you kick me, the higher I fly. The more you hit me, the stronger I bounce. Thanks for "slapping" me on my face. indeed spurred me to feel the heat to be better again.
Anyway 明天再说的人是笨蛋.
Good luck everyone.
CNY is over soon and vday is coming soon. And I wish to tell a few people somethings. Yet I can express it out explicitly. Dont misunderstand again. This has nothing to do with me and my dates during vday. Just a few short reflections of the week:
To the people who think the world revolves around you: Seriously I think you are misunderstood bout me, but im not the same as you. I dun really feel at all that the world revolves around me. If I did make you feel so, I am so sorry. That was never part of my plan at all. Shld really get to understand me better and not deduce before you think you are right. I am crappy 95% of the time I know but it doesnt mean I am egoistic. What you see is really not what it is. View life with more depth. No hard feelings =)
To the people who are envying what others have and you do not have: Please dont be envious of others and try to make the others who are living a better life than you, have a bad day. If you think makin others sad to get ur own relative happiness, is happiness, I think you are very wrong. Firstly, if you cant be happier than the other guy, the problem probably lies with you. No point tryin to make things worse by makin the guy next to you feeling worse or sad. Its a new year. Please be nicer. Karma will come to you if you do shit =P
To the people who are still pondering and lost: I really can empathise with your situation. Hope you can take things easy with you and look on the brighter side of life. Friends are always there for you!! You know that ;)
To the people who are screwed up by work and so: Lets get it over and done with!! Hope as much as you are stressed by your work, we can still provide each other with a shoulder of warmth. Be it good friends or not, never deny a tired soul knockin on your door =)
To the ones that spurred me by being negative on me lol: Anyway got a few hard knocks here and there over the week. But in fact, that knocked me into a clearer mind. Giving me more aim and letting me know what I dont want( since sometimes its hard to gauge what you want). But im just like a ball with super elastic and thick skin. The more you kick me, the higher I fly. The more you hit me, the stronger I bounce. Thanks for "slapping" me on my face. indeed spurred me to feel the heat to be better again.
Anyway 明天再说的人是笨蛋.
Good luck everyone.
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